i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
