just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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