I CAN MOONWALK!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
