i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
