why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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