So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
