are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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