I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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