Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
