i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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