Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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