I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
