I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
