mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
