but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
