i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
