In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
