I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
