I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
