found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
