she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
