This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
