im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
