when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
