If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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