I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no you cant smoke seaweed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
bring money and cleavage
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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