I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
