I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
