Umm I'm too high to move.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
