Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
