My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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