i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
