exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
