I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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