Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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