it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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