her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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