Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
