Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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