ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
