Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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