the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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