where does the pee come out of this thing
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
