Dual....:-)
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
