By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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