Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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