are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
