I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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