i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
