i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
